Osteoporosis???

So, the Dr. office told me that it looks like Koty has osteoporosis in his feet. I google it and read all kinds of info about it. It seems that it can be caused by an underlying problem, but Koty has none of the symptoms of the others, so I'm assuming that he has what is called idiopathic juvenile osteoporosis. We have him on Tums 3x a day and a multivitamin that has vitamin D in it. The Dr. office didn't seem that concerned, but I am. Why would my healthy son be losing bone density? I had to ask if I neeeded to follow up, or if this was all that needed to be done! Kinda crazy! Maybe I'm too concerned about this and it isn't anything at all, but I can't help but wonder. I am going to turn this over to God and let Him handle it from here, I worry too much when I try to deal with things beyond my control!

So, another thing I HAVE to do, is to call my Dr. I haven't had a checkup in over 2 years. My mom has been telling me to schedule an appointment and get it done, I just hate to do it! But I know I have to. I'm just nervous that I'll need to have a hysterectomy or something, but I guess I'll get through whatever needs to be done, I just don't want to right now. I don't know why I feel that I will need surgery, I just do. It's something that I feel is inevitable and that this might be the year that I need it taken out. So, okay, I'm getting off here to get my appointment scheduled and to go eat lunch...praying for Koty's healing!

Getting discouraged...

Had a wonderful day today, but feeling a little let down and discouraged this evening. I'm not losing any weight! I'm not eating near what I was and I'm working out like crazy! I've even been out and about, trying not to sit in front of my computer all day. I'm just not losing ANYTHING! I hate to go on any type of "diet" because I know from prior experience that I WON'T stick to it! I need to figure out what I can do to get this weight off! I'm SOOOO sick of it! I hate the way I look, the way I feel, the self-conscienciousness I have...it is really taking its toll on my life and I'm ready for my this to be GONE! I have to figure out something else, maybe a food journal of some kind, so that I actually see what I am eating, so that I can make some cuts or adjustments during the day. I think my focus has moved and I'm trying to do it on my own...I tend to do that from time to time. So, I'm going to try to focus my eyes on God and let Him lead me to the path I'm to follow on this journey! I get a little cocky thinking I'm living this life for my enjoyment and I need to refocus it on Him and His plan for me. Trying to get rid of this discouragement, going to have a visit with my Lord...

UGH!

Well, here I go again...it's the start of another week! We had spring break last week and I didn't work out Wed-Sun, and this morning was ROUGH! I am happy I've been working out, or I wouldn't have been able to walk through the caverns, that was TOUGH, but I did it. It was so cool to see those stalagtites and stalagmites! Dylan and Koty loved it too! We had a fun week, but BOY did I pay this morning.

So, I'm feeling a little stressed out! Our car broke down on the way down to San Antonio, so we went to a car lot and found a car I loved. They also offered us $6000 for my POS and gave us bottom dollar for the new car. I'm happy with the deal we got, but oh my, a payment again! Wish that wasn't a reality but it is! We can make this payment, I just have to do it! We have to buckle down and get it paid! NO MORE SHOPPING for me! That's BAD! I LOVE TO SHOP! I will have to find different ways to get my shopping fix! Online or window I guess!

I also have to get back to work on my classes...I'm so ready for them to be out for summer! Actually, I'm ready to get done, completely!! Keep doubting myself, am I doing the right thing, should I just stop and be mommy?? UGH! I confuse myself! I need summer SOON!

What a day...

Well, I made the workout, but it wasn't fun! I'm not happpy, I gained three pounds this weekend and hadn't had a loss in two weeks....UGH! I also hurt everytime I try to do situps, it HURTS, and not in a getting in shape way, it's a OUCH, that SUX type way! I still did 45, but I usually do 60! It's rainy and yucky today, and I've got TONS of laundry to do, and I'd rather be asleep! I think a nap is in order! :D Koty plays golf tomorrow, and I'm praying he has the best day ever! He deserves to do well, he's worked so hard, and I would love to see him have a huge success, it would be huge boost in his self-confidence! Then we are heading to San Antonio! YAY! Some time out of town and in the warmth! I'm ready to get away for a bit! The bad thing is, I'll have to figure out how to work out. I can't stop now, I've invested 9 weeks, and although I haven't seen huge successes, I've seen some and will not stop until I finally feel and look better!

Thoughts from the darkside...

Really struggling for motivation today...Didn't want to get up and workout this morning, but I did it anyway. Now, I'm really struggling to study for my test tomorrow. It's been a long time since I've taken a test in a classroom and I am stresses out over it. I have taken many tests and done well, but I've taken them online and been able to confirm my answers. UGH! I know what it is, it's getting to be that time again, YUK! I can feel the depression and anxiety creeping up on me and I am trying to fight it. Sometimes just gets so overwhelming.

The weight thing is ridiculous too. I gain weight for a couple of weeks before, and yup, I'm gaining weight. Every day seems like I gain another pound or two. How will I ever lose any, if it's three pounds down and four pounds up!?!?! I will not give up, but it's just so hard. I want to see some real results for my sweating and workouts, but I'm just not. I have only lost around 16 pounds and that's really frustrating!! REALLY frustrating!!!!!! I had a goal set for March, well it came and went. Was arguing with 1.6 pounds, and well I'm back to needing to lose 5 to reach that goal! I wanted to reach this goal BEFORE March! I should have been able, to but for some stupid reason I didn't. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Why did I ever let myself get to this point? Stupid, stupid, stupid!! Now I'm gonna have to work for a LONG time to finally get healthy again. Why did I do this? DUH! Why do I keep doing this? Eating myself into oblivion is not acceptable, why do I keep doing it? I know logically that it doesn't make sense, but emotionally it makes me feel good.

I am happy to be seeing the sun shine again. It seems my moods get easier to handle when the sun is shining and the temperature is above 50 degrees. I love spring and summer, they just make me smile! And this weekend is daylight savings! Whoopy! I love this time change! Gives me more sunshine to enjoy during the day!! We are also heading out to San Antonio next week during spring break, YAY! I can't wait to get out of town! It'll be great, supposed to be warm and sunny down there! Hopefully I can get a break and this will relight my fires! They are awful dim right now! Guess I better get to studying...YUK!